The Biggest Killers Of Chemistry & Attraction
3 Things That Kill Chemistry & Attraction
Resentment – If your feelings have been hurt it’s possible you’ll hold back to keep the peace. You could be experiencing anxiety and/or avoidance. Scorekeeping is also resentful behaviour. When the wall is build we can’t be attracted because there’s so much in the way.
Withholding – When you’re afraid to reveal your emotional reality because you fear there’s too much fire (anger). There are healthy ways to reveal our truth that don’t involve being hurtful. Relationships need energy to thrive.
Self-Abandonment – “Fixing” your partner distracts you from working on yourself. You may think you’re being a good partner by being “self-less” but it has the opposite effect. We can’t be attracted to someone when they aren’t really there.
How to Reawaken Chemistry
– Practice radical responsibility, vulnerability and honesty.
– Get comfortable with feeling exposed. Intimacy is about fully opening to each other so you can dream and create together.
– Clear up past hurts and resentments, make repairs, and clear out the “basement”.
– Be honest when feelings hurt rather that stuffing them down, defending or hiding.
– Don’t keep score. Relationship is about connecting it’s not a transaction. There’s no more “you owe me” or “I owe you”. You show up for one another because it feels aligned, not out of obligation.
– Take responsibility for asking for what you want and need, and be open to receiving.
– Healthy space is essential. Take time apart every week to be with your friends or have solo self-care time.
– Stay curious about your partner. You will never know everything about them.
– Schedule time for intentional conscious communication.
– Express appreciation daily for the little things.
Each person brings to the relationship their entire history of relationship experiences and emotions. Anything that’s unresolved within your nervous system will come to the surface so the emotions can finally be felt, sequenced and integrated. Your current experience will trigger past experiences as an opportunity. Do not bypass this potential! Lean into the big feelings you were unable to feel at that time in your history. Once you’ve re-centred share what you’ve discovered with your partner, navigate the conversation even if it feels uncomfortable and “clunky” – it leads to deeper love, intimacy and understanding!
If you’d like to discover how I can further support you, please get in touch to organise a free phone conversation.