SOMATIC THERAPY | SOMATIC SEXOLOGY | NERVOUS SYSTEM RECOVERY

Somatic Therapy Somatic Sexology Nervous System Recovery
Case Study Kate Alderman Somatic Therapy
Somatic Therapy Somatic Sexology Case Study
Somatic Therapy Somatic Sexology Case Study

1. Before starting this work, how did you experience your relationship with your body, sexuality, and attraction?

Before this work, I didn’t really understand my sexuality. I vacillated wildly between bisexual and lesbian for almost twenty years, with some level of awareness of this from age 7 (now in late twenties). I was always trying to fit into a box. My focus was on being coherent for other people. Labels are meant to help you; if they aren’t, they’re probably not for you. I thought because I struggled so much with shame over being attracted to women that it meant I was a lesbian. I’m not. I thought because I don’t feel chemistry/literally feel pulled towards men, that I wasn’t attracted to them. But I am. Sexuality isn’t something you can think your way through – only feel. I still don’t know what chemistry feels like (with any gender). Maybe I don’t experience it. You don’t have to fit anywhere, and you don’t have to make sense to other people. I no longer bother with labels. I was aware of what my body was trying to say to me, but I thought it was talking bullshit. It wasn’t talking bullshit. I thought I was meant to neglect it. I hear my voice first now, as I should always have. Other voices don’t have priority here anymore.

2. What were some of the beliefs, fears, or assumptions you noticed you were carrying about yourself, relationships, or intimacy?

I thought all men get off on deliberately pushing your boundaries. All are grabby and don’t ask before doing. Relationships are traps and any man who is confident or makes it known he finds you attractive is about to lovebomb you. Glances bely deeper intention (really just hypervigilance). You must stare back to stand your ground. Scare them into submission. They must look away first. You must be so aggressively wrapped up in your own world that you are too intimidating to approach. Softness is a weakness. They can’t just be nice, they want something. And they are to be treated as an interloper. In short, all men are predators. This isn’t true. Some are losers who don’t have self-control to not stare. And it’s ok to laugh in their faces when you see them being so obvious and pathetic. That’s post-losing virginity. Before losing virginity didn’t even understand men were dominant. Extreme shock which facilitated men trying to mold me into a submissive partner. Trying to pass their kink off as standard, like if I wanted to have sex with men, any man, I would have to get used to it.

3. What has shifted for you through developing greater body awareness, nervous system regulation, and self-trust?

No longer hypervigilant. Interested in opening up to people. Can be productive without having heart palpitations, or I notice and re-centre (no joke). Libido is back, because you have to feel safe to feel sexual. Clearly not a stone top, any kind of lesbian, or particularly touch-averse anymore. Not all attention from men is threatening, some is flattering. Getting out more; joined huge gym (physical space and membership); being able to be around people. Accept glances. Comfortable with being seen. May even have flirted at this new gym without realising. True bubbly personality is coming back.

4. What would you want someone who is questioning aspects of their sexuality, identity, or relationship with their body to understand from your experience?

Labels should help, if they don’t – discard them. Always be curious and willing to sit with your feelings. Your mind is not a scary place and it is your duty to explore it. Don’t wait to start the work when you’re middle-aged or worse… run out of time on your deathbed. Self-awareness is a muscle, it must be worked from a reasonably young age and often. And your capacity to change generally diminishes as you age. You owe it to yourself and existing or future children to model being at ease in your body, to live a full life. That is where life is, the body. You have to really be in your body to be alive. I’m in my late twenties and am closer to knowing inner peace than most who are twice my age. Don’t wait. But in saying all of that… take breaks to let deeper parts of your mind sort things out. Most growth is unconscious. But you must dance with your unconscious. Learn its language, which is unique to you. Don’t wait.

Testimonial

Hi Kate,

I just wanted to let you know that through working with you 1:1, I’ve been able to acknowledge what my body is trying to communicate to me as I’ve relaxed and as a result am no longer hypervigilant with men… And my libido has come back. I’m only in my late twenties but I’d lost the feeling of being alive a long time ago. It’s back, but grounded in reality. To feel alive you must feel safe first. I see my life getting better as I get older. I think I’m excited about my thirties…

Early sexual experiences distorted my beliefs and expectations around relationships and sex, which weren’t helped due to being autistic. These things were never talked about in my family and because of autism I didn’t even pick up on the horrible messaging from society. I was naive and so vulnerable. Sexuality and being in my body doesn’t come naturally to me, but I can hear what my body is saying now and I’m not really touch-averse anymore.

Connecting the dots that hormones are responsible for so much of what we experience made so much sense. Before I thought it was normal to be perimenopausal in your late twenties – no it isn’t. If cortisol=stress, what might the other hormones like oestrogen and testosterone mean? These relate to emotional states as well. Of course they do.

Through the sensation mapping I realised what a recurring theme in my dreams meant. Those dreams have not returned. I now know I must prioritise relaxation as I am now open to seeing the extent of what isn’t working in my life. Learning about consent doesn’t apply only to your relationships with people, but with yourself too.

I have guidelines for judging compatibility and safety early on and bodily awareness of what healthy exchange feels like in day-to-day interactions. I have tools and trust in myself to meet and communicate with people.

I feel alive and hopeful. Thank you Kate.

Vera

Somatic Sexology: Return to Yourself

Practitioner Reflection

Vera’s responses illustrate something central to my approach to somatic therapy and somatic sexology: meaningful change is not always about finding the right explanation for an experience. Sometimes it begins with developing the capacity to notice what the body is communicating and to distinguish between what we have learned to believe and what we are actually experiencing.

Across our work together, we explored nervous system regulation, somatic awareness, embodied choice, self-trust, boundaries, consent, communication, desire, sexuality, hormones, the menstrual cycle, aspecting, pleasure anatomy, and sensation mapping.

What stands out to me most is not simply a change in how Vera identifies her sexuality, but a broader shift in her relationship with herself. She describes becoming less hypervigilant, more comfortable being seen, more open to connection, and increasingly able to notice and respond to what’s happening within her body rather than automatically interpreting it through fear.

Her experience is also a reminder that sexuality cannot always be resolved through analysis. It’s something we can learn to experience, sense and understand through the body.

~ Kate Alderman, Somatic Therapist, Somatic Sexologist