Narcissist/Empath Dynamic – How to Integrate Wholeness & Interdependence

Co-dependence is relationship cancer

Symptoms: People-pleasing, Over-functioning, Under-functioning, Resentment, Tolerating, Avoiding, Obligation, Unspoken Agenda/Expectations, Entitlement, Freeloading, Slavery

Dynamics within adult relationships:

Parent – Child

People pleasing/Over functioning – Under functioning

Slave – King/Queen

Empath – Narcissist

Sexual chemistry either does not exist or is extremely toxic in these dynamics!

Empathy and Narcissism are coping strategies we developed as children when our emotional needs weren’t being met.

There’s a Narcissist AND Empath within every single one of us.

No one had their emotional needs met as a child, at least not in the capacity that we truly desired. Parents and caregivers did the best they could with what they had available to them while dealing with their own childhood trauma. Parents were busy with their own lives and spreading their attention out among all of their children. If you are an only child, you may have been the centre of your parent’s world, when others, especially your significant other, doesn’t treat you the same, you feel neglected.

To integrate equality, wholeness, and healthy sexual desire back into these relationships – communication is essential! Yes! Uncomfortable conversations!

The old relationship dynamic needs to fracture, and both people need to be ready for this if they desire a thriving Interdependent Relationship.

The person who is people pleasing and over functioning needs to step back and give the person who is under functioning space to step up and adult themselves. The person who is over functioning also needs to focus their attention on healing their own trauma and childhood wounds.

To experience a shift in your external world you need to focus your awareness to within yourself. Most of us spend our lives not acknowledging the thing we need to. Sometimes the most liberating thought is the most challenging and negative one.

Honour and integrate the shadow within yourself:

The “Highly Empathic” person needs to integrate their “Inner Narcissist”

The “Highly Narcissist” person needs to integrate their “Inner Empath”

Ask yourself:

“What do I need from myself?”

This could be – Love, Validation, Attention, Security, Acknowledgement

Acknowledge your wounded child – the Narcissist within. Narcissistic behaviours are within each and every one of us to varying degrees. It comes from a childhood desire to be seen, loved, acknowledged and validated. As children we all thought we were the centre of the Universe, and yes this is true, but when you don’t have compassion, empathy or consideration of others and their needs/desires, your behaviour is Narcissistic.

Once you acknowledge this you can now as an adult give to yourself what you craved as a child, and finally come to a place of compassion for Self and all other people with Narcissistic behaviours. Compassion and tolerance are not the same thing!

You’ll know you have integrated this when you can notice Narcissistic behaviours in others and not be emotionally triggered/reactive by them. If you’re still reacting, you’ll know you haven’t fully integrated your “Inner Narcissist”.

Now ask yourself:

“What do I need from my partner?”

Once you get clear on this, lean into the uncomfortable conversation and share with your partner what you need from them. This can look like setting a boundary or asking them to step up. Use your empathy skills to make sure that what you’re asking for is realistic, achievable and fair to both people (you and them) – beware your “Inner Narcissist” having higher than realistic expectations.

You can also share with your partner that you’re noticing and experiencing a Co-dependent Dynamic within the relationship, and what you’d like to experience instead – Interdependence. The change you’d like to experience and the difference it would make to your relationship dynamic.

Empath – Others needs are more important than my own

Narcissist – My needs are more important than other people’s

Interdependence (Internally Sourced) – My needs are as important as other people’s

Sovereignty and Synergy are equally important!

Practice considering other people (Synergizing) without abandoning yourself. Never assume someone else’s needs and desires – Ask! Get consent before you give and take.

Most “Highly Empathic” people get stuck when it comes to acknowledging that they too have Narcissistic behaviours, and when they’re unable to come to a place of compassion for Self and others, they find it even more challenging to initiate the uncomfortable conversation with their partner.

You must work on yourself and you must initiate the uncomfortable conversation to experience change!

Interdependence Integration Map