Exclusive Dating & Committed Relationship are Not the Same Thing
Exclusive Dating and Committed Relationship are closely related but they’re not the same.
So, you’ve been Casually Dating someone for 2-3 months and you desire to go deeper with this person, but you’re unsure if this person is on “the same page”. Maybe you need to feel chosen to continue opening yourself to this person and the thought of them intimately engaging with others is causing your nervous system to close off in fear of your heart getting hurt.
Firstly, let’s get clear on the types of relating.
Casual Dating – You’ve just met and you’re getting to know each other. You’re both open to dating and being intimate with other people. It’s too soon to be exclusive. The desire to be exclusive too soon is often a sign of insecurity. Grasping for exclusivity too soon (within the first month of meeting someone) is an anxious behaviour and a sign of insecurity. This is a time where it’s important to observe your desires and self-manage/regulate your nervous system.
Exclusive Dating – You’ve been Casually Dating this person for 2-3 months, you feel there’s a deep connection, you find them and the relationship really interesting, and most of your available dating time is filled with this person. You have the conversation with them and you’re both on the “same page”. You choose to start dating each other exclusively. You desire to see where the relationship goes. You’re still not sure you want to be in a Committed Relationship with this person, but you don’t want to miss out on something worthwhile. Exclusive Dating is like an experiment, you’re “testing the waters” and feeling into the connection and each other rather than feeling into other people as prospects. You both feel that there’s a potential future together (unless something comes up and you change your mind). It’s more serious than a casual fling but not yet a committed relationship. It’s an experiment of a Committed Relationship, which may or may not happen. You both desire to know more about each other, your connection and to feel into each other as a future partner before committing. You’re not ready to commit but you may be getting there.
Committed Relationship – You are IN love with each other and there is no commitment issue. You have late night conversations about emotions, feelings and the future. You introduce each other to your family and possibly move in together. It’s official, your partner is your plus one and you share this with others, social media etc.
Honest and open communication is essential for transitioning from Casual Dating to Exclusive Dating. Never assume that you’re on the “same page”. Communicating your desires may feel scary and uncomfortable, but not communicating will be much more uncomfortable, and likely painful in the long run.
Imagine a you have a parking space. If you allow someone who is not fully choosing you and not sure about you to “park in your space”, there is no room for life to bring you someone who is aligned. If you’re not feeling “chosen”, you may need to step back into the friend zone to protect your heart and give space for someone who is aligned to arrive.
Tips for Exclusive Dating:
- Establish the ground rules, communication is essential!
- You both delete the dating apps – if you’re not true to your word you will get found out.
- Exclusive dating provides the opportunity to build trust and find out if this person is a person of their word.
- You don’t talk too far into the future as it’s not sure there will be one. There’s no point getting excited about, or booking a vacation together next year, as it may not happen.
- There’s no pressure to introduce each other to family and friends. Let this be natural!
- You don’t go all in too soon. Slow down.
- Enjoy sharing time/space together and the focus is on fun.
- You don’t need to go public and share all over social media.
- It may not turn out to be a Committed Relationship, be prepared for that.
If you do transition from exclusive dating to a committed relationship it will feel aligned, like a smooth and natural process.
A lot of people are fixated on planning for the future because they’re not enjoying the present. Even when they get to the future they’ve planned for, they’re still not happy because there’s something else they’re grasping for.
It’s very helpful to get clear on what Commitment means to you and what it means to the other person. This will help you feel for alignment.
I’ve had the opportunity to turn myself and my unconscious belief systems inside out, again and again, with the assistance of extremely potent entheogens, to align with my truth and what feels truly aligned for me. I share here what commitment means to me with the intention of inspiring you to feel into your truth, not the truth that you have unknowingly adopted from family, friends and society. We are all different, I respect and honour every soul and the path you’ve come to experience.
“Commitment to me is about fully choosing a partner and having them fully choose me. I am their “fuck yes” and they are my “fuck yes”. Commitment to me is about growing and expanding together. I allow myself to be human and to be flawed, when I do this, I allow the other person to be human and flawed. In the mess together, we grow and expand. Synergy (Union) is an aspect of commitment, just as much as Sovereignty, both equally important. Marriage and children can be part of commitment for some people. My desires in regard to marriage and children is backwards compared to most people. If life gifts me/us with children then marriage is something that I/we could consider to create a safe container and foundation for the little human to grow, expand, and become who they’ve come here to be. The only other time I’d consider marriage if we were to have already been living together for 5-10 plus years and we both feel getting married would be a great way to celebrate “us” with our friends and family. I have very little interest in traditional marriage, to me there’s better ways of creating something special and meaningful to celebrate our union.” ~ Kate Alderman
If you’d like to find out more about how to navigate the conversation that could transition you from Casual Dating to Exclusive Dating, send me an email, I’d love to support you.